· There are some things that money can’t buy. For everything else, my salary isn’t sufficient!!

· I try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

· They can’t fire me, slaves have to be sold.

· Home is where the television is.

· Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

· Death is hereditary.

· Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

· Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

· When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

· Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

· Well done is better than well said.

· Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

· Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

· You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

· I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

· If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

· Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.

· The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.

· Where there’s a will there are five hundred relatives.

· I have a drinking problem – I can’t afford it.

· Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that gowrong that one can’t blame on the government.

· There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

· An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it soundconfusing.

And finally
· Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.