You are going to like this one:
I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing “Silent Night”.
A mosquito saw an elephant crossing a bridge and asked for a ride. The mosquito said “Hello mate! What if I sit on your back and give you some company as you cross the bridge?.
“The elephant said nothing. The mosquito sat on the elephant’s back. He fel very proud that he could persuade the elephant to be a co-rider. As they were crossing the bridge, the mosquito cried out, “Watch out brother, two of us are very heavy, make sure the bridge does not collapse!”. The elephant said nothing.
As they crossed over through the bridge, the mosquito said, “See, how I guided you safely through!”. The elephant said nothing.
Finally the mosquito got off the elephant’s back and buzzed, “Here is my business card. If you need any help in the future just call me on my cell phone.” The elephant thought that he heard some whisper somewhere. But he dismissed this as a day dream and marched on….
The Elephant is the enormous flow of our life. The mosquito is our restless ego that thrives by sucking life’s attention. The more the elephant ignores the mosquito the more the ego vanishes. //
Light the fire in your heart – Debashis Chatterjee.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t
really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment.
They’d all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they were all together again discussing their
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches and has
various bandages, went first. “Well,” he said, “I went into the woods
to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the
catechism. Now that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to
slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy
Mary, Mother of God! he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming
out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and
both legs in casts. In his best fire-and-brimstone style he told his
story. “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out
and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from GOD’S HOLY
WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with ME. So I took HOLD of
him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and
DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED
his hairy soul. And just like you said, Father, he became as gentle as a
lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”
They both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and
out of him. He was in very bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up at them and said, “Looking back on it,
circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”
Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman’s Day
To the Girls !!
Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell
– Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the
bitch up with cookies.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
– Janette Barber-
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my
head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
– Erma Bombeck –
Old age ain’t no place for sissies.
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts
– Caryn Leschen –
If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
– Roseanne Barr-
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Send this to five bright women you know and make their day.
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people. lmao
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine,
after the rain ….
Perhaps you may stumble,
perhaps even fall,
But God’s always ready,
To answer your call …
He knows every heartache,
sees every tear,
A word from His lips,
can calm every fear …
Your sorrows may linger,
throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish,
in dawn’s early light …
The Savior is waiting,
To give you His grace,
and send you His love…
Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
“God always sends rainbows ….
after the rain … “
To get out of difficulty, one must usually go through it !